Giant Corn Flake Found in Space

Astronomers on the new Herschel satellite telescope team have discovered a giant corn flake floating in space. And remarkably, the previously unspotted corn flake which is twenty million miles wide and thirty million miles long, is only about one thousand miles from Earth - making it the closest celestial object to our planet.

The amazing discovery means scientists must re-map the night sky, our solar system and the galaxy as we know it, and must even rethink the Big Bang theory itself.

"The corn flake sits between Earth and Mars, and seems to be stationary," said Dr Boffin McBoffin of the European Space Agency's Herschel team.

Asked where it had come from and why hadn't it been spotted earlier, Dr McBoffin explained, "It seems it has always been there, but because it is made from special invisible particles called Fairy Dust, which must be viewed from a particular angle, we just hadn't seen it."

"Fairy Dust is a compound of corn, silk and bullshit atoms, and can only be seen by sticking one's head in a goldfish bowl and crossing the fingers of both hands, then making a wish while saying the magic words 'hubbledy-bubbledy-beam-me-up-Scotty.' The scientific discipline has never adhered to this practice, prefering instead to follow a more conventional perspective. It is, quite simply, a case of us not looking at it in the right way. It's as simple as that."

Mr McBoffin went on to explain that if it wasn't for his colleague, Dr Alan Star, who took it upon himself to practice the age-old 'fairy dust routine' - thought to have originated with the ancient Sumerian civilisation of the area now known as modern day Iraq - as a result of a drunken argument with a female colleague about the resonance of moon farts.

"He was very drunk at the time, as we were celebrating the succesful switching-on of the Herschel satellite's CCTV monitors. He decided he'd had enough of science's "blind" blanket denial of lunar flatulence, and announced he would from now on follow the Fairy Dust Code. Little did he know he was on the verge of an amazing astronomical discovery."

The scientists stress that, despite its close proximity to Earth, the corn flake poses no threat to life as we know it.

"Due to its bullshitty composition and silky texture Fairy Dust is much too soft to cause any damage whatsoever. It is too light to have any gravity of it's own. The entire mass of this enormous corn flake put together would be no bigger than that of Kate Moss, or perhaps the two Cheeky Girls put together."

"Can you imagine Kate Moss falling towards Earth from space? She wouldn't make it into the earth's atmosphere without evaporating in a flash of light not bigger than a mosquito hitting a mosquito killing whatcha-ma-call-it thing in a Bangkok back street restaurant."

On the prospect of finding more giant corn flakes 'lying around' in space, the Doctor confirmed it was very likely there were others "out there, somewhere."

"We are now working on developing a Fairy Dust Lens that can be fitted onto telescopes. It is hoped we will then be able to look for corn flakes further afield, right on the edges of known space. The probability is that we will find more of these objects, if not here in our solar system, then certainly floating around in the Milky Way."