Today is National Talk Like Verne Troyer Day. It is a day when all you childish, irritating wankers in offices up and down the country can annoy your workmates to the edge of psychosis by taking advantage of the latest 'fun day' set aside by a mysterious council of idiots for being just plain silly.
Talking like the spunkstain-sized Mini-Me actor is easy. Simply pretend you are a giggly, talking mouse and you can drive your colleagues to the edge of sanity by mid-morning coffee. Get your own back on your boss, or have fun phoning clients and give them a taste of your intoxicating zaniness.
Order office supplies for your department, book a holiday in France, or order a savoury chicken and sun-dried tomato chapatta at your local sandwich bar for lunch. Bring out that entertainer inside you that's always been craving to come out, while really just convincing every one you are a retard and a pain in the arse of Sumatran earthquake proportions.
Remember to keep your wickeddy-wickeddy wickedness up all day. You must talk in a squeaky high-pitched ultrasonic voice until midnight tonight, or until you have set off every car alarm in your office car park, all dogs in the neighbourhood have savaged their owners' children, or, preferably, you have been ripped to pieces and eaten alive by cats.
National Talk Like Verne Troyer Day - another fun day for twats.
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