Lassie was KGB Agent Claims Book

A new book claims Hollywood star Lassie, the famous 'talking' Scottish Collie that solved murders and saved hapless humans from certain death, was a secret Soviet spy.

The claims made by Donald McDonald in 'Ruffled: Lassie's Secret Collied War' are sure to break the hearts of millions of fans across many generations who grew up watching the loveable long haired mutt on their screens from the 1940s right up to the present day.

It is not clear excactly what secrets Lassie (pictured above on set of Lassie Come Home) passed on to the KGB but the dog's increasingly hedonistic antics and string of affairs with high profile US Senators in the 50s and 60s will surely raise concerns that she may have gained access to secrets relating to the US nuclear programme.

Shocking revelations about the constipated collie, renouned for never shitting on set, include the dog's battle with bulemia, anorexia and amphetamine addiction, and of ten day drink, drugs and sex binges littered with violent rages and scrapes with dog wardens in California and New York, leading up to her death from worms, distemper and alcohol poisoning in June, 1971.

Distraught 80 year old fan, Emma Lou Ellen, who grew up reading the books and later became hooked on the films and TV series, could barely find the words to describe her feelings. Fighting back the tears she could only muster the odd sigh. "Oh my," said her sister Marylou. "Oh my, oh my, oh my...!"

Devastated brothers John Boy and Billy Bob Williams from Indiana were a little more forthcoming. "It makes you sick don't it?" spat John Boy. "That poor dawg probably got corrupted by them queer cocksuckin commie drug snortin hippy film folk."

Barely containing his anger, his brother added, "We wus all huddled up in front of the Tee-Vee, us and our cousins, Megan, Jenny, Maggie, John JR. We loved that goddamned dawg. And all that time, the bitch was a dirty filthy traitor!"

But many fans refused to believe the claims and condemned the book as an "evil smear campaign" against Christian values and "the word of God as manifested in Lassie's goodness towards her fellow man."

"These evil lies are the words of Satan," roared Martha Clanton of the Official Lassie Fan Club. "What further proof can one need than the fact they are written in a book. A book! We know books are evil and are the vile teachings of heretics and false prophets. There is only one true book and that's the Holy Bible of our Lord, Amen. Although, it must be said that Sarah Palin's 'Cooking With Guns' is a mighty fine read by a mighty fine woman."

"But Lassie was the vessel of Christ our Lord. And she loved America. This here pack o' lies is a direct attack on Jesus and America, plain and simple. Someone's gonna swing for this here pile of shit."

Another aspect of Lassie's controversial lifestyle discussed in detail in the book - and one sure to rile those who, like Martha, are unaware of it, is the open secret among Lassie's closest circle of friends that Lassie wasn't female at all, but was a gay transvestite dog named Fido (above, without wig), who regularly cruised public parks and used rent poodles to satisfy his insatiable appetite for gay doggie sex.