I May or May Not Be Vaguer Later - Rhodri

In what may or may not be his last speech to conference as Welsh First Minister, Rhodri Morgan promised he may or may not be as vague in days to come.

Hinting that he might be stepping down sooner or later in the near or not too near future, Mr Morgan - if indeed that is or isn't his real name - stated that for the moment he is still very much First Minister, and maybe will be for a while, but that the time may come some time soon for him to maybe announce, or possibly realease a written statement, that he would step down, maybe step aside, or perhaps side-step, and let someone else take the leadership of the Welsh Labour - or Welsh New Labour - Party.

Somewhat confused delegates condescendingly applauded the Clown Prince of Wales as he suggested a decision may or may not be imminent, but that it would probably be sooner rather than later, but possible later than that, although it could also be further along the line, or even further still.

He would or could not reveal when excactly but, with a nod and a wink he implied it was possible that "Wales' worst kept secret" (that he was to move aside) that he would probably resign as Leader before the next conference, leaving voters with excactly 365 days to choose as a possible date for this. That was, he said, if he wouldn't change his mind, adding that a sweepstake would be organised at a pound or two a go, with the money raised going to either the Royal Society for the Terminally Confused, the All-Wales Flustered Ex-Servicemen, Steelworkers Or Was It Quarrymen Society, or the Guild of Vaguely Titled Brotherhoods.

Before he left the stage to more bewildered and humouring, than adoring, applause, Mr Morgan implied that the way forward for any would-be replacement was to "do whatever, whenever and wherever possible" to get "things" done, and to by-and-large get Labour - or New Labour's - fortunes back on the general track which is primarily in the right direction in general.

"He or she, or they, will need to get things right, to gather the right ingredients for the right recipe to make the right dish that would complement a meal that would rekindle voters' appetites for some food."

Such ingredients, he hinted, were "to be found sometimes, but not all times, and sometimes not even found at all, at a place where a river runs strong, a road runs west, where there are two or three, maybe ten, fields, with some trees or scrubs nearby."

In closing, Mr Morgan was a tad less vague as he pledged that, "When the time comes, if it does indeed come, for me to leave, what I can say to you all here - and to those who may or may not be watching on television, listening on the wireless or the web, or reading in tomorrow's papers over a cup of tea or coffee - is that I am determined to endeavour to either be less vague or vaguer as I enjoy my retirement doing things in places here and there, and sometimes everywhere."

An emotional Mr Morgan then left the stage, stopping and changing direction twice, before reaching the stage seating, sitting in peter Hain's lap, before settling in his own seat with a bottle of Evian that had its label peeled off.